Never Give Up

 There is a quote from C.S. Lewis that I like. It from his book Mere Christianity.

"We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity—like perfect charity—will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, of truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection."

He touches on a few important points, but what stuck with me is the importance of never giving up. Recovery from addiction is an interesting journey. There are good times and bad. Some lessons are learned the easy way, some the hard way. There are times when it would be very easy to throw in the towel and give up. That is exactly how Satan wants me to feel. The first thing he wants to take away from me is hope - the glorious hope that is offered by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If Satan can get me to give up hope, to live in despair, and to wallow in self-pity, he is winning the battle. He is the ruler of darkness (Ephesians 6:12), and he wants me to join him.

On the other hand, there is the Savior who offers me light: "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life," (John 8:12). There are hundreds of scriptures that highlight His goodness, grace and mercy. Obviously I want to choose Christ, I want to choose light over darkness. At times, though, the weight of addiction can be very heavy. I've felt at times in the past, that even though I wanted to have hope, it was hard to do so. Sometimes I would go a few weeks or months, and then I'd slip. I'd beat myself up. I'd wonder if I would ever get over it and really recover. It is during these times that it's crucial to not give up. I learned from others, particularly in the 12-step groups, that no matter what, I should not ever give up.

Recovery is not just about overcoming my addiction. It is about turning my heart to Christ, and becoming like Him. It's a process, but He is with me the whole time. He always has been, He always will be. As C.S. Lewis said, perfection in anything cannot be achieved without God. There will be times when I fall. God knows that. It is part of the plan. He sent His Son to atone for me, so that when I fall, I can fall into His arms and He can help me get back up. It's His strength that enables me to become better. It is incredibly easy for those of us who are addicts to get down on ourselves, beat ourselves up, and feel like we need to somehow pay for our mistakes so that we can "fix everything". I've learned though that Christ is not interested in me paying for my sins. The price has been paid. What He is interested in though, is me turning to Him. He's interested in me changing my heart. He's interested in me repenting and relying on His strength and not my own. He wants to help and heal me through His Atonement. I can't fix anything on my own, only He can. But He can't choose for me, I have to make the choice to come unto Him. That is the only way recovery is possible. He wants to see me always keep trying, and to never give up no matter what. The hope He offers is always there. He never gave up on me, so I can never give up on Him.

She Loves Me Like Jesus Does

You often hear that the first year of marriage is so hard. People told my wife and me to remember to "hang in there" when it gets tough, and if we make it through the first year we'll be okay. I always hated this advice. My wife and I will celebrate one year next month. We ignored this idea that the first year is so dreadfully hard. We knew that it would be what we made it, and the past year has been wonderful.

Yes, we've had hard times. We've had struggles, we've had disagreements, we've had plenty of times to say, "I'm sorry," and we've had to make adjustments. This is all normal. We've even had my addiction to deal with. Not everyone faces such a trial, but it's probably more common than you might think. Even so, all these things have actually brought us closer and strengthened us. Most importantly, I think, our experiences have helped us develop a more Christlike love for each other, and have brought us closer to God.

There's a country song by Eric Church called She Loves Me Like Jesus Does.






I'm so grateful for my wife, because she loves me like Jesus does.
She believes in me. She carries me when my sins make me heavy. She loves me despite my crazy dreams and my broken wings. I thought at one point that she'd give up on me, especially after what I put her through. But I thank God each day that she loves me like Jesus does. And it's true - the devil, man, he don't stand a chance.

We have gone through a tough experience, the weight of any addiction is heavy. I made the decision before we got married to stop trying to overcome it on my own, and let God help me. I made the decision to turn to Him and let the Atonement of Jesus Christ help me and heal me. My wife made the decision, bless her heart, to stand by me every step of the way, and to love me like Jesus does. She too is being helped and healed by the Atonement. I am forever grateful for both my wife and the Lord.

We have learned together that we need His strength, and that we can't get through this on our own. We've learned that the power of the Atonement is very real and very available to those who seek it. It's power is infinite. We've had many hard times the past year (and before that while we were dating), but my love for my wife as grown so much as we've gone through every trial with each other and with God. She is amazing, and is a light in my life. I'm grateful that for all we've learned, and that we are still learning all the time. We are by no means perfect, but we're trying.

What greater thing is there than the love of Jesus? My wife and I learning to love each other like Jesus does, and to love Him as He does us. We trust in God, and believe in good things to come.