"We
may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity—like perfect
charity—will not be attained by any merely human efforts.
You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it
may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help
than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each
failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again.
Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue
itself but just this power of always trying again. For
however important chastity (or courage, of truthfulness, or
any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits
of the soul which are more important still. It cures our
illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.
We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves
even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need
not despair even in our worst, for our failures are
forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with
anything less than perfection."
He
touches on a few important points, but what stuck with me is
the importance of never giving up. Recovery from addiction
is an interesting journey. There are good times and bad.
Some lessons are learned the easy way, some the hard way.
There are times when it would be very easy to throw in the
towel and give up. That is exactly how Satan wants me to
feel. The first thing he wants to take away from me is hope
- the glorious hope that is offered by the Atonement of
Jesus Christ. If Satan can get me to give up hope, to live
in despair, and to wallow in self-pity, he is winning the
battle. He is the ruler of darkness (Ephesians 6:12), and he
wants me to join him.
On the other hand, there is the
Savior who offers me light: "I am the light of the world: he
that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have
the light of life," (John 8:12). There are hundreds of
scriptures that highlight His goodness, grace and mercy.
Obviously I want to choose Christ, I want to choose light over
darkness. At times, though, the weight of addiction can be
very heavy. I've felt at times in the past, that even though I
wanted to have hope, it was hard to do so. Sometimes I would
go a few weeks or months, and then I'd slip. I'd beat myself
up. I'd wonder if I would ever get over it and really recover.
It is during these times that it's crucial to not give up. I
learned from others, particularly in the 12-step groups, that
no matter what, I should not ever give up.
Recovery is not just about
overcoming my addiction. It is about turning my heart to
Christ, and becoming like Him. It's a process, but He is with
me the whole time. He always has been, He always will be. As
C.S. Lewis said, perfection in anything cannot be achieved
without God. There will be times when I fall. God knows that.
It is part of the plan. He sent His Son to atone for me, so
that when I fall, I can fall into His arms and He can help me
get back up. It's His strength that enables me to become
better. It is incredibly easy for those of us who are addicts
to get down on ourselves, beat ourselves up, and feel like we
need to somehow pay for our mistakes so that we can "fix
everything". I've learned though that Christ is not interested
in me paying for my sins. The price has been paid. What He is
interested in though, is me turning to Him. He's interested in
me changing my heart. He's interested in me repenting and
relying on His strength and not my own. He wants to help and
heal me through His Atonement. I can't fix anything on my own,
only He can. But He can't choose for me, I have to make the
choice to come unto Him. That is the only way recovery is
possible. He wants to see me always keep trying, and to never
give up no matter what. The hope He offers is always there. He
never gave up on me, so I can never give up on Him.
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